im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
