Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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