two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
there is puke in my bra ... again
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