my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize