when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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