based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
