8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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