I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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