Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
