so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
