It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
