i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
