Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
