I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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