I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
