You're completely useless in the revolution.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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