You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
