your parents love me but you hate me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize