I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
bring money and cleavage
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
