So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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