About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
