I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I wish there were birth control emojis
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
