how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
