The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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