her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
