Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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