I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
