Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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