She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize