ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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