If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
