also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
