Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
