Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize