wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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