When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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