It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
