The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
