i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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