i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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