Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
