Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
