Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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