Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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