i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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