Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
