He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
