Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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