I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
two words: eviction party
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
