well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I checked into jail on foursquare
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
