I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
