none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
