I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
