i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
