First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
