It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
