let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
