We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
