I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
