she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize