If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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