Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
