i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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