My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
