at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you will always have a special place in my vag
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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