I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
