You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
one might say we're banned from that church
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
