Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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