If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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