I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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