God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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