You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
