Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
