gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
