As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
