I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
