I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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