he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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