$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
