Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize