So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
