I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
