I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
this is an emotional support booty call
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
