There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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