We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
