What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I think people are normalizing furries
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
