Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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