I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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