I love how my cats smell like pot.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
