Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
