Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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