are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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