i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
