I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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