I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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