i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
