Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
