so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Farmville is her only friend.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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