I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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