if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
