and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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