im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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