I'm lost and stupid without you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
We're too hungover to prance.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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