There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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