So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
