dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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