Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he told me I talked like a deaf person
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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