nut hugger
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize