So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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