Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize