my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
