Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
