I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
