dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
