I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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