He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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