I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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