using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
