I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
