thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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