So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
